By Vera Ingeborg
We all know that feeling. We have this desire and we really really want it to happen. No matter if it is a career step or a person we want to be in a relationship with – including all that comes with it to impress people: A house, a car, a great slim body, the perfect tan etc etc. We start putting all of our efforts into it to make our desire come true. We are chasing our dream so to say.
We are spending so much energy and dedication on it. We show ourselves from our best side, we are going the extra mile and work long hours to outperform others, we are doing everything for the person we want to be with, we are trying hard and …. It does not come easy and most of the time we fail. Instead of losing weight, we are gaining weight, instead of making money it just seems to disappear, we lose people we cared about and someone else gets promoted. We do not get the positive feedback we wished for and we ask ourselves why life can treat us so unfairly after everything we have done to make others happy?
Why is that happening to us… WHY?
Here are the 3 most central reasons why trying too hard makes us fail:
1. We are role playing
First and foremost: As we are trying to please people on the way to get what we want, we are acting. We are cutting a figure we think people like. We are all very familiar with this little role play we do that at the start of a new relationship or job. We are doing everything to keep the job or the person and thus doing anything our new boss or new partner would expect from us. Just to make sure they will like us and will not dump us. Of course – it costs a lot of energy to act as if we were someone else. And we cannot do that 24/7, so the facade forms cracks. The funny thing we are not aware of: We are projecting our own expectations onto these people. We don’t know what they really expect from us. With these projections, we are trying to avoid our own imperfections (that WE feel are imperfections) and hide our true selves. We are afraid they might not like us when they discover those. That makes us send out an inauthentic and fearful energy. And people can sense that. They can somehow feel that they are cheated on and that something is not right. So they block it, most of the time unconsciously. And you are trying harder, and they are blocking harder. And then conflicts start, quarrels, misunderstandings and it gets more and more uncomfortable and hardly bearable anymore. And still, you chase… and still, they run…. Until it ends because we cannot take it anymore. We separate and move on to the next job or partner, where we go through the same story again.
This leads us to reason number two.
2. We are acting out of fear
Unfortunately we are all programmed in childhood already with certain societal patterns. One of them, and 99 % of people in the developed Western world have to deal with it, is the feeling of not being good enough. We simply do not feel we deserve to be happy and loved. Where does that come from?
First of all, nobody gets the cheers when saying: “I love myself and I really deserve happiness.” Religion taught us something else and that is where a lot of our programming comes from: The church. It teaches us that suffering is what we have to go through to deserve paradise. It tells us that life needs to be a burden and that we should be small and humble. The wonderful and truthful teachings of Jesus were distorted and turned from love into fear.
In addition to that, society and education trains us in competition that we have to perform better than others to make it in this world. We are told not to trust anyone because they might not have the best intentions. Marketing tells us every day what we still need to achieve and buy to count in this world. We are programmed to believe that we have to work hard to reach our dreams.
As long as we are coming from this perspective, we are in low, ego and fear driven energies. We are actually focusing on what we do not want, projecting our fears into the future and onto people. So many scenarios we come up with imagining what could go wrong. As energies attract alike energies, this is what we get: We are attracting what we do not want simply by sending out the low vibrating fearful energy. Which takes us to the next issue.
3. We are not allowing space
We are so focused on how it should be, that we have an exact image in our head how the situation should develop for us and what the next steps should be. We are clinging to the only solution we can see. By doing this, we are not allowing any space for the energy to do its thing. We are so narrow-minded that we can only see this one possibility. We are not aware of the fact, that there are millions of options how things could unfold for us and that life could even take us in unimagined directions. Why are we doing that? Because we are afraid to lose control. Our ego hates to have no control over things. As said, we never learned to trust, so why should we give away control?
This keeps us stuck in the old cycles. In order to allow space, we need to learn to let go. Letting go of a fixed idea or solution, letting go of people and letting go of control. Only then we are creating the space for something new to grow and develop.
The solution: We have to make ourselves happy
So what is the solution? It is very simple. We have to learn that we can only be happy when we are happy with ourselves. There is a very simple rule in this universe: No one else can make us whole but ourselves.
It all leads us back to self-love. We have to learn that we are perfectly ok the way we are. We have to relearn, that we can fully trust ourselves. We have to relearn, that we are absolutely worthy and deserve all the good things in life. We have to learn that sometimes we have to let go to of something to make space for something even better that is already in store for us.
“Past fears and patterns can only be dissolved on an energetic level.”
In order to do so, we need to get rid of our past fears and patterns we all were programmed with. These can only be dissolved on an energetic level. Psychologists will only work with you on the head/mind / talk level. Of course, this can help us to understand that we have a pattern, but won’t help us to change our behaviour and emotions.
Start learning and exploring the language of energy. The law of attraction really works when we are acting from a place of love and when we focus on what our heart truly wants. Once you get into it, it is really fun playing with it and realizing that you can attract the most wonderful things and people into your life and make miracle after miracle happen. As long as you do not have a specific result in mind but are open for even better and surprising solutions delivered by the Universe.
Instead of trying, we have to start allowing. You will be amazed how everything will fall into place for you.
“Instead of trying, we have to start allowing. You will be amazed how everything falls into place for you”
The texts I share are always based on my intuition and/or on experiences of clients and my own. I do not claim what I share to be the ultimate truth. I encourage everyone to only take what resonates to find your own truth and wisdom. As this is universal wisdom, I do not claim any copyright. Please feel free to share this content as long as you keep its message complete so that the meaning does not get twisted.
With lots of light and love,