(fragment of “We are one: A new model for society and relationships”)
by Vera Ingeborg
In the end everyone in this world is striving for love and acceptance. The only problem is that ego misinterprets love and makes it into something conditional and needy. Real love is unconditional. It is simply there. It does not need anything, it just is.
Imagine a world where we truly recognise that we all belong to an interdependent society but individually we are totally free. Imagine we would share our knowledge and would not care about materialism or being better than others. This model is based on sharing and abundance. A lot of people would say now: “But then progress would not take place anymore – we need competition!” Yes, agreed, but only if competition leads to a win-win for both sides. It would not really be competition anymore, but a means of learning and growth to bring out the best in each and every one of us. At the moment we are still on the win-lose front. Very few people win, the rest lose. Up to a point where, like in the game Monopoly, one possesses all and the others possess nothing. A love-based society would not know a competition like that. It would be based on trusting and on supporting each other because ego would sit in the back seat and follow our heart. It would return to its original task to only protect us when our life is in danger.
The love based model is based on sharing and abundance
The new model would be based on self-love and acceptance. Yes, you are allowed to fully love and accept yourself the way you are! You are perfect and you are allowed to be proud of yourself. There would not be any buttons someone could push for you, because you simply learned that just because you think certain things or feel certain emotions, does not mean that they define who you are. You would not feel offended or rejected or lonely, because you are just happy with yourself. Ego would have learned that it is always safe when relying on yourself and would have stopped trying to protect you from things or people you do not need to be protected from. Self-love is the basic ingredient. Once you enjoyed your aloneness and realised that you are good enough just the way you are and that you deserve love, a completely new world opens up to you. The world of abundance. You realise that it is not the big car that makes you happy, but the love you have for yourself that you share with others and that is then shining back onto you. This is the interdependence. And that is the difference to people-pleasing. You do what you do because you really want to do it and not because you fear that someone does not like you because you did not meet his or her expectations. In a love-based society you only have to meet your own expectations. And these are based on self-love, not on self-criticism. The reward is ultimate freedom. You feel independent and yet part of a bigger community. You can do what you truly want to do and share it with the whole to contribute to society.
The solution? Dissolve fear and love yourself
Now you say. Great, sounds like paradise, but that is simply not possible. Evolution taught us “the survival of the fittest”. Well, how about that: We are on the doorstep to the next phase of evolution. We can drop our old survival instincts and fears. It is possible, because it happened to me. And I am not alone. There are many other people waking up to this new reality.
So why don’t we just start changing it? We all can contribute. How can we do it? It is all about dissolving fear.
To reach this, the first and most important thing to do is to release the ego and its fear and neediness. Realising how we are tricked by social programming for example by marketing. Take fashion: This is the marketing and competition trick number one! But think about it from a deeper sense. How ridiculous is it to “need” new clothes every season, just to be able to compete and look good? What a great social programming to keep us trapped in neediness and dependency. And that is just one example of many. Another nice social programming trick is: A woman needs to be pretty and caring. She needs to shave, she needs to be slim and she needs to take care of the children and husband. No wonder so many women are making themselves dependent on men. Of course, it has got better, but still there is no balance or equality in many cases. The same goes for men: Men are not supposed to show emotions or cry, especially not in public. They have to be strong and protect the woman. That makes them dependent as well. If they don’t have something to protect, they feel an even bigger void inside. This leads to a situation where both are wounded and both are feeling this emptiness and loneliness, compensating it with materialistic things and treats. Because they think they need the other to fulfil them. This will never happen though. Like Osho said: “They are two lonelinesses together. They cannot heal each other. Two wounds cannot heal each other”.
Please take heart and face your fears. Change little things, step by step. Start for example by not watching TV for one day to escape the programming and go out into nature instead and feel the pureness and balanced energy out there. Stay in the moment and focus on what you sense and not on what you think.
Start observing yourself and discover how your ego is working. Be like a third person that is watching your acting and thinking. You will realise how much garbage your mind produces every day by projecting fears and worries onto situations and into the future. By taking the role of the observer, you disidentify and probably after a little while you will start smiling about all the unnecessary thoughts your head produces and about the fact that somebody tricked you so intelligently. Observe yourself when someone pushes your buttons and fears arise. Instead of blaming the other person, show gratitude that they made you aware of something that still needs healing inside of you. Discover the roots of your button and work through them to dissolve them. There are many different tools to do that. Inner child work, Reiki, Rebalancing, Gestalt therapy, EFT are just a couple of examples of how to work with them. Find the methods and healers or coaches that you resonate with and that work best for you.
Happiness is an inside job
Once we have dissolved the big layers of fear around our heart, the way is paved to find our true selves again as well as happiness, joy and love. To do so, we have to turn inwards. There are many different forms of breathing and meditation techniques. Meditation does not necessarily mean to sit still like a Buddha and smile. It can be sports and activity as well. The only important thing is, no matter what you do, do it with mindfulness and your complete presence. Be here and now. This is the door to your heart. This is where our answers lie. This is where we find what we truly want in life. This is where we find what fulfils us, and what our heart truly longs for – our calling. This is where we discover our strength. And all of this is possible in a world without fear and the illusion of scarcity, but full of love and abundance. Your thoughts create your reality. This is the law of attraction. You get what you focus on. So make sure to focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want.
“Make sure you focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want”
Once you love yourself, this love is overflowing and you cannot keep it only for yourself. You will pour it onto others and it will shine back on you. We are interdependent. In this model it does not mean that feelings of sadness do not exist. But they have a different quality, they are not negative anymore. In this model, we leave the world of duality. Then these feelings make you aware of things we need to learn and to grow and make you appreciate happiness even more. Without sadness there could not be any happiness, without darkness there would not be light. They need each other to exist – they are interdependent, too. This is what Ubuntu is all about.
With lots of light and love,